


Flynn's cooking

by MysticCrimson



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 17:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11407395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticCrimson/pseuds/MysticCrimson
Summary: Flynn cooks for his friends but does his 'unique' taste appeal to their tastes?





	Flynn's cooking

**Author's Note:**

> Something I always wanted to write but this was long ago. So this may be of poor quality in terms of writing due to being written in script format rather than as a story along with being mostly a bunch of afterthoughts when I played through the game. Some characters are almost guaranteed to be OOC, especially Rita. Warning, may seem a bit like a crackfic.... That's because it is...

# Flynn's cooking

Karol: Man, it sure is great that Flynn and Estelle are letting us stay at the castle. I can’t wait to taste palace food!  
  
Yuri: Yeah I can’t wait too, now I can know what is like being in with the royals and taste the castle food Flynn has been having as commander!  
  
Judith: It will be interesting on knowing what food is served within the upper quarter, let alone the castle.  
  
Raven: I’d like ta know too Judy darlin, love it if tha food serves to ol’ man Ravens taste.  
  
Estelle: *giggles but also sweat drops*, Raven you’re not that old, and don’t worry the food will be lovely. Also haven’t you eaten this type of food before as Schawnn-  
  
Raven: Ey, ey now Estelle we ‘ave been over dis already, Schawnn is dead an I’m sure he’d be lovin this food and eatin this in heaven where ‘e lives on with all dose pretty ladies…  
  
Rita: Zip it Raven, but on the other hand for the first time I’m with Raven on this one, I really hope the food does suit to my tastes.  
  
Patty: Do they serve fish here I wonder?  
  
*Sound of trolley coming to the dining area*  
  
Karol: Ooh, I can hear the trolley coming right now, and it smells GOOD!  
  
Yuri: Yeah I’m starving, can’t wait to dig in.  
  
Repede: Woof! *sniff* *sniff* *whine…...*  
  
Yuri: Hey Repede what’s wrong, don’t like the smell of the food.  
  
*Enter Flynn in a chef’s hat with a trolley of food. However, the trolley has a white sheet which is covering the food*  
  
Flynn: Hello everyone, I prepared the food for tonight on the behalf of the royal kitchen. I thought Yuri would have told everyone ahead of time that my cooking was…inadequate to everyone’s taste. So I decided to give a surprising but strong first impression where I had the Wonder Chef cook some food up so I can mask my food with his cooking’s scent so Yuri wouldn’t think that I would have cooked it as well as building up everyone’s appetite.  
  
Yuri: Just, the scent?  
  
Flynn: I based my new recipe on the hit children’s book Green Eggs and Ham along with following the tradition of Pancake Tuesday where old ingredients are used up to create an exotic delicacy!  
  
Yuri: Oh no, this is what the problem I have with his cooking, Flynn creating a new recipe….  
  
Judith: What makes you say that Yuri?  
  
Yuri: With Flynn’s cooking when he follows the recipe exactly, he makes it better than the original chef does regardless of the original cook but when he makes his own creations…they are less than desirable.  
  
Flynn: Everyone, feast your eyes on tonight’s dinner, first up black onion soup with plenty of foamy bread!  
  
*Places in front of everyone slices of mouldy, black onion and other unidentifiable vegetables floating in a pool of grey sludge”  
  
Karol: Ugh!  
  
Judith: Hmmm…  
  
Yuri: Well that does explain why Repede didn’t like the smell of what was coming…  
  
Flynn(in a very cheerful tone): And now the main course….Green chicken roasted in my trademark blue butter, now in camouflage pattern, so no one will notice it is there!  
  
*Proceeds to unveil his new dish by taking the silver cover off the platter revealing a half cooked chicken covered in green mould with the cooked parts brushed with off butter, thus causing the chicken to be coloured blue*  
  
Flynn: Served with my specially coloured spotty garden vegetables in cream sauce made with the finest of vintage milk with furry roast potatoes!  
  
*Reveals a platter of vegetables well past their state of recommended use patterned with spots of mould in a creamy sauce made with milk off enough to have a sludgy texture along with roast potatoes with the skin covered in mould all over, giving it a fine furry texture. *  
  
Flynn: *inhale* Don’t you just love the aroma?  
  
*The stench wafts over the room eventually overpowering the original aroma of the wonder chefs cooking scents. A nearby vase of both plastic and real flower proceeded to wilt along with the vase itself corroding as if it were to be hit by acid rain. *  
  
Rita: THAT’S DISGUSTING!  
  
Raven: This looks like it will shorten ol’ Ravens years by at least 10 years.  
  
Estelle: Flynn, I don’t think that is very safe to eat…...  
  
*Suddenly, a bowl drops onto the floor by Patty “accidentally” *  
  
Patty (pretending to be sad): Flynn, I dropped my soup….  
  
Flynn: Oh I’m sorry about that, don’t worry the castle staff will clean it up. There’s no more in the pot…  
  
*Patty grins while Flynn isn’t looking while everyone else internally sigh a breath of relief*  
  
Flynn: Actually don’t worry I’ll proceed to cook another batch right away just for you!  
  
*Flynn pats Patty’s head and proceeds to enter the kitchen. Notably he doesn’t wash his hands*  
  
Flynn’s voice from outside: Maybe I should have put more heart into it… Oh I know this time I should put some sheep’s heart into it this time!  
  
*Everyone glares at Patty who just awkwardly replies with a guilty smile*  
  
Yuri: Great now thanks to Patty, Flynn is cooking more toxic waste!  
  
*Sizzling noise begins to sound from under the table*  
  
Rita: What’s that noise?  
  
Patty: I think it’s my soup…...  
  
*Patty’s spilt bowl of soup begins to eat through the floor*  
  
Estelle: Yuri, I believe you were right in the end about Flynn’s cooking. But to not hurt Flynn’s feelings, let’s eat his food just for him!  
  
Yuri: No way, I’m outta here because I’m not eating that shi-  
  
*Estelle proceeds to cover Yuri’s mouth as Flynn re-enters the dining room*  
  
Flynn: Is everyone enjoying their meal?  
  
*Patty empties her plate under the table into the hole where Flynn’s “soup” melted through*  
  
Patty: Wow Flynn that was delicious!  
  
*The hole caused by Flynn’s soup had conveniently lead to the sewers of Zaphias. From where Patty was sitting, she could see into the hole and saw a few Ratwigles gather around the ‘soup’ and eat it. But the ones that did eat it died, causing the rest of the Ratwigles to run and stay away from the puddle as though it were a pool of lava.*  
  
*Judith out of desperation hides her piece of bread into her breastplate when Flynn isn’t looking*  
  
Judith: Yes, Flynn it was amazing, but the bread already filled me up so I don’t think I can eat anymore!  
  
*Raven faked sneezed but in reality dumped everything into his napkin*  
  
Raven: AACHOO, *sniff* sorry got ‘ayfever ‘ere but boy did that fill me up!  
  
*Karol dumps half of the cooking which can be best described as toxic waste into his large bag and puts his remaining “veggies” onto Rita’s plate, not knowing that she was fully aware of what he just did*  
  
Karol: Boy am I full!  
  
Rita: Hey! Don’t dump food onto my plate squirt!  
  
*Rita shoots a fireball at Karol but mostly aimed at her plate*  
  
Rita: Oh, sorry about that Flynn I accidentally burnt my food but with what I ate, the food was…. edible…  
  
Flynn: *smiles* It’s a relief that everyone is enjoying my food!  
  
Repede: *whines as he scratches at the door*  
  
Yuri: Oh, Repede needs to do some business. Don’t worry Flynn I’ll be taking him out!  
  
Flynn: No, no Yuri. He knows his way around the castle, I will let him out.  
  
*Flynn opens the door for Repede who gives a victorious grin towards Yuri, who is meanwhile foiled in his escape attempt. Few moments later, Repede can be seen from a window running out of the castle back to Yuri’s apartment in Zaphias*  
  
Yuri (from the window): Hey Repede’s running away!  
  
Flynn: I’ll go get him!  
  
*Flynn exits the dining hall to chase down Repede*  
  
Yuri: How can I get rid of this food…?  
  
Estelle: Personally I don’t want to hurt Flynn’s feelings but I also don’t want to eat the food… I don’t know what to do……  
  
Yuri: Wait, I have an idea!!!  
  
*Yuri puts all his food back onto their respective platters along with leaving gravy(?) marks all over his plate. Although unhygienic considering the state of the “food”, Yuri putting it back may make it actually taste a bit better. Comparable to the difference of eating Bad BeanBoozled beans to Bad BeanBoozled beans with a hint of salt on it”*  
  
Estelle: Yuri I really don’t want to hurt his feelings though…  
  
Rita: Oh come on Estelle what is more important his feelings or your health?!  
  
Estelle: Yes, but…  
  
*Flynn’s footsteps from outside can be heard faintly but begin to get louder as he approaches*  
  
Yuri: Estelle! Hand me your plate quickly!  
  
*Yuri switches his empty plate for Estelle’s plate full of food. Just a split second later Flynn re-enters the room*  
  
Flynn(cheerfully): I see everyone had thoroughly enjoyed my cooking and- Ah Yuri you still haven’t finished yet, you cannot have been full already!  
  
Yuri: Um... ah... actually Flynn, before I came back from a mission I filled up on lots of junk food this guild provided for me in return for helping them get through a forest. So I’m actually really ful-  
  
*Suddenly, Yuri’s stomach inconveniently rumbles very loudly*  
  
Flynn (starting to look angry): Yuri not only have you been lying to me but you have been eating unhealthy food! I am terribly disappointed in you so to make sure you get your proper nutrient intake in balance, no chicken for you!  
  
Yuri (under his breath) Yes!!!  
  
Flynn (now very angry): But…that means you need more vegetables so I am going to personally spoon feed you these creamy spotted vegetables…Now open wide Yuri!  
  
Yuri: AAARRRGGHHHHH! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!  
  
*Flynn takes advantage of Yuri’s shouting by forcing all of Estelle’s but now Yuri’s “vegetables” into Yuri’s mouth*  
  
Yuri (Deadpanned in his head upon realizing that Flynn exploited his screaming): Shit.  
  
Yuri: MMMRRNNGGHHHHH!  
  
*Yuri lets out a muffled scream as Flynn forces him to consume the sorry excuse for food* Flynn(Enraged): Eat. It! You. Can’t. Just. Eat. All. That. Junk. Without. Eating. Your. VEGETABLES!!!  
  
*Everyone stares on in horror except for Estelle and Judith who stare in jealously as they are the ones who always wanted to spoon-feed Yuri one day. Raven covering Patty and Karol’s eyes from the ungodly sight of “Young, Blonde Commander forces pickle and carrots down Dark Haired Feminine Man’s throat”. Also, Rita is having a nosebleed from the two young males but otherwise also in horror from the content of what is actually being fed. *  
  
Yuri: *swallow* *moan* *collapse*  
  
*Yuri collapses onto the table with all white eyes due to losing consciousness from the “food”*  
  
Flynn (back to normal): Oh Yuri I see you enjoyed my cooking so-so much that you ended up sleeping it off, I knew my cooking was nice in the end. Well I guess this is the end of dinner. I’ll clear the plates up!  
  
*Proceeds to collect everyone’s plate*  
  
Everyone (except Yuri who is passed out on the table): *Sighs a breath of relief now that meal time is over*  
  
Flynn: But this means it is time to make DESSERT!!! Hope you left enough room!  
  
Everyone: *Gasps with horrified expressions on their faces*  
  
Flynn: Ah! Everyone seems so surprised that I am making a delicious dessert, that you all seemed shocked from happiness. Don’t worry it won’t take too long to prepare!  
  
*Flynn proceeds to the kitchen, exiting the dining hall in the process. *  
  
Karol: So Flynn’s food was really…  
  
Judith: As bad as Yuri said it was…  
  
Rita: That was the WORST food…no… I wouldn’t even call it food!  
  
Estelle: Rita… please it is the thought that matters. I’m sure Flynn didn’t mean any harm on any of us.  
  
*Groaning sound from Yuri as he wakes up*  
  
Yuri: Man I just had this crazy dream from eating Flynn’s cooking, that everyone was wearing my outfit. First some kid with red hair, next some kid with black hair who fights with his fists then another guy with brown hair. But the worst part was…… SOME TOWN WAS SELLING DOLLS OF MY IMAGE! Seriously? Who would want to sell plushies of a real, breathing person anyway? That was just plain disturbing!  
  
Estelle: Oh that’s terrible, I’m so sorry about *tears well up in her eyes* having you eat those veggies instead of me….  
  
Yuri: Hey Estelle, its fine. Don’t worry I’ve had worse stuff when I used to live with Flynn.  
  
Raven: Argh, that’s terrible Yuri, but what’s worse is dat yer bestie is cookin up a dessert.  
  
Yuri: Nope, nope, nope! I’m so outta here. I ain’t stickin ‘round to have a second nightmare!  
  
*Walks over to the door, only to find out it is locked. *  
  
Yuri: Oh no!!! Flynn must have…. Guys! We are all locked in here  
  
Everyone (except Yuri who is too shocked from the revelation of the door being locked while Estelle and Judith just sit silently in defeat): AAAAAAHHHH!  
  
Flynn (whose voice can be heard from the kitchen): Ah the sound of satisfied guests after a delicious meal. I wonder if everyone would like vintage (expired) vanilla ice cream with their furry(mouldy) fruit salad. Strong sharp taste full of lots of vitamins and plenty of calcium!  
  
Everyone: NO!!!!!  
  
Karol: Please God! Get us out of here!!!!!  
  
Rita: Ooh dessert…I mean NOOOO!  
  
**End**

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I tried for Raven’s slang ridden speech but not sure if I overdid it or if it came out correctly. I also tried to allude to Rita’s preference for sweet things as indicated by her preference for food in-game when cooking as well as the “Grown-up kids” skit. I don’t own Tales of Vesperia but if I did then this would’ve happened. People in Yuri’s nightmare were Asbel, Jude and Sorey respectively as they have Yuri Lowell costumes in their respective game. I also don’t own BeanBoozled which belong to JellyBelly, nor do I own Green Eggs and Ham which is owned by Dr. Seuss.


End file.
